For short summary of contents of this website, visit Resources
The goal of this website is to offer support and information for people who are experiencing problems related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I have experienced these things and I know exactly what you are going through. I started this website hoping to be able to use my personal experiences in order to help others who are experiencing similar emotional roller coaster.
I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, please excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I decided to write in English because I wish to be able to help as many people as I can around the world to deal with their emotions and live a happier life. If you would like to help me to improve this website by helping me to proofread articles published here, please send me email to
Update: I wish to clarify an important point: When I say "narcissistic wife/husband" somewhere on this site, I refer to a person who APPEARS to have narcissistic tendencies (as it is not possible to make an actual diagnosis of anyone without extensive experience and knowing the person. I have mentioned this point in many of my replies but I wish to emphasize it here one more time as this is very important). Also, when I started this website several years ago my English was worse than it is today and consequently some of the oldest articles and my replies on the site may appear slightly clumsy in terms of language. I am currently in the process of reading everything through and I will try to correct all sentences than can possibly be interpreted in a wrong way by some visitors, however the site is so large that it takes time to do this, so for now I want to emphasize that if you see me make statements such as "narcissistic wife/husband", please be aware that this means that a given person appears to be narcissistic (to me) based on the description that was given to me in a certain letter, and not that I am trying to suggest that I know for sure that a person who I have never met is 100% narcissist.
I have background in the field of neurosciences and perhaps for that reason my negative experiences made me very interested in the mechanisms of the brain and the mind that lead us to feel such pain, anger, depression and anxiety when we learn our beloved one has been cheating on us or when we experience mental or physical abuse. I want to emphasize that I am not a therapist, instead I have been involved in basic brain research (I am M.Sci in the field of neurosciences, not an MD. To read more about my background and why I wish to remain anonymous, please see my reply to this letter that was posted to me by one of the visitors of this site).
This is a peer-to-peer support website and nothing that I say is intended to be a medical advise similar to that given by a therapists. I want to be very clear about this so that people do not get an impression that they are being misled in any way. The things that I describe on this website helped me to heal myself after experiencing a devastating relationship, but what worked for me does not necessarily work for you; you alone know your situation thoroughly and so you need to decide yourself what is the right way for you.
I have been overwhelmed by the amount of emails I have received from people all around the world telling about their difficult situation. My wish is to be able to help all those who are writing to me by sharing my own experiences and giving support any way I can. I am very grateful to all those who have sent me email and gave me positive feedback regarding this website. Your messages serve as a fuel that keeps me going and gives me the strength and energy to continue this work. Thank you so very much!
Cheating, narcissism and mental abuse
I now know how it feels like when the beloved one is letting one down emotionally. The emotional reactions related to crisis such as cheating or mental abuse are very natural and often tend to follow certain pattern. It helps to know that you are not alone and to know what you should expect from the following weeks and months after you found out about cheating or you have been mentally abused. If you are living with an abusive spouse who also shows signs of being narcissistic and possibly a cheater, it helps you to recover faster if you understand that there is nothing wrong with you but that your spouse could be suffering of narcissism which often leads to cheating and mental abuse. "Narcissism" is a broad concept and it is not possible to "diagnose" anyone without meeting them, but it is still possible to see some signs that might suggest a given person might have narcissistic tendencies. If these signs are present and one is simultaneously having serious problems in a relationship, one cannot rule out the possibility that one is dealing with a narcissistic person.
Emotions related to mental abuse
I felt I lived in total darkness for a long time during the final years and also several months after my relationship ended. In the beginning everything went well and I was head over heels in love with my partner, but as time went by I slowly started to realize that the man who I was with was very different from what I had thought. All kinds of mixed emotions related to negative things that had happened were spinning in my head during those times. I had never met a person like my spouse before and I had no idea how to cope with his behavior or with my own bad feeling caused by his abusive manners.
On the other hand I wanted to stay in my relationship but I had been deeply wounded and had mixed feelings of confusion, frustration, pain and anger towards my spouse. In the end he actually admitted being abusive and said he wanted to change, but unfortunately too much had happened and I simply could not bring myself to give the relationship yet one more try.
I think the fact that I started to do a bit of literature search related to narcissism and mental abuse (motivated by my own painful experiences and my will to understand what was happening to me) served as a form of a self-protection mechanism, a way to maintain the integrity of my mind. I felt that if I could better understand the physiological and mental basis of my painful emotions I could learn to control myself and my emotions better, instead of letting the situation control me.
Mental abuse and the brain
It took long time but via practice I slowly learned that indeed a human mind can be trained to overcome obstacles (even ones related to mental abuse) more effectively, in same manner as muscles in our body can be trained to perform better via exercise. This new way of thinking changed everything for me. If you wish to read more about this topic, visit page Healing after Cheating and Narcissism.
I have collected to this website some of the key things that I discovered during my literature search and as a result of my personal experiences. Once again I wish to emphasize that all articles on this site are my subjective interpretations of what I have read and they are aimed for peer-to-peer support purposes only rather than being an actual medical advice. I also wish to emphasize again that I am not an MD so please take this website as it is: a peer-to-peer support community aimed to help people who are going through difficult times in their lives. I will constantly add new articles and information as I continue my literature search on these topics.
Knowledge is power! If it worked for me, it can work for you. You alone can decide how your life will evolve from this point on; you have a freedom to choose to stop being a victim and start enjoying every day of your life the way you enjoyed when you were a child. The aim of this website is to help you to get started in the process of becoming new stronger You.
You can contact me by sending email to
For more resources related to narcissism and cheating, please go to section Cheating And Narcissism Resources. To read about biological basis of emotions and how negative events such as cheating affect the brain, please go to section Brain and Emotions. To read more about cheating and how the mind of a cheater works, go to section Cheating And Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with cheating spouse, go to section Personal Stories or Cheating and Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with narcissistic spouse, go to section Personal Stories of Narcissistic Spouse. To read about narcissism and how the mind of narcissist works, go to section Narcissism.
From this website you find the following sections
Methods and tips that help you to recover faster after emotional tragedies. It is possible to teach the brain to react differently in certain situations in same fashion as it is possible to teach the body and muscles to react in a certain way when we learn to ride a bicycle, to dance etc. Via practice you can learn to control your emotions instead of letting your emotions control you. Read more about these topics from section Recovery After Cheating and Narcissism.
Learn to understand and cope with the emotions related to cheating. Do not let depression, anxiety, mistrust and insecurity turn your life into misery. I know what you have been through. Why do we feel the way we do after learning our spouse has been cheating on us and lying to us? Emotions related to cheating are the results of certain biochemical reactions in our brain. Via sufficient practice we can train our brain to react differently in certain situations in same manner as we train our body to move in a certain way while learning for example some new sport, to dance etc. It is possible to alter fixed thought processes and arm ourselves against the tragedies in life so that negative events would not crush us. Learn to understand how painful emotions related to mental abuse and betrayal are created in the brain. Get new insights, help and support from this section.
Information of narcissism, infidelity, mental abuse and how it is like to live with a partner who appears to have narcissistic tendencies. Support and advice for coping with mental abuse. Learn to recognize the signs of mental abuse and understand how the mind of a narcissist works. Learn the ways to influence a narcissistic person. Most importantly, learn to heal your mind after mental abuse and betrayal; stop being a victim and regain the control of your life.
Personal stories of people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, depression, anxiety, insecurity, mental abuse and betrayal. You are not alone, I wish to help you get through the emotional pain you are now experiencing. I have been in same situation as you, I know exactly how you are feeling. I was able to get over my pain, you can do it too. I created this website aiming to help people who are in your situation and the best reward for me is if I can ease the suffering of those who are experiencing pain due to problems in their relationship.
Personal stories of people who are living with a possibly narcissistic and mentally abusive spouse. Life with a narcissist can be very consuming and one might experience all sorts of emotional turmoils. It takes long time for the mind and the brain to heal after abusive relationship. If you suspect you are in an abusive relationship or in a relationship with a person who might be narcissist, learn to recognize the warning signs by comparing your experiences to experiences of others who have been living with a mental abuser.
This blog is dealing with topics related to narcissism, cheating, the brain and the mind.